..into Pillowtalkpromises! :)

This is an inactive blog everyone coz i got lazy and started using Facebook notes instead. But I'm back so please do suscribe at my new and active (i promise!) blog pillowtalkpromises

xoxo and signing off from Xanga for the last time
Bri Liberty :)

PART 1.

I finally realize how i've been going on about 'This' all wrong. With my pride on M.C and the last of my annual Tear Quota (Technically its eye lubricating saline drops, but who knows) spent in Bangkok, i am free to announce i'm not abandoning my life in an effort to find myself another. Finding another life. I have a tendency to make things sound so simple, like Life's something you can read up in the classifieds with a cup of coffee in your hand or find enlightenment on while watching a rerun of Oprah. Life for lease, rent,sale....people tell me to stop thinking which i always thought was unlikely regardless of the additional liquids/sleep-in-a-pill till someone implied, let me do it For you.-Pending*-

**Hold any judgements till you see the end, or don't bother reading at all. I have a fashion show in Damas to run too and a mind thats been running off whack for a touch and tad too long to draft this a dozen times.

A kiss for the missus please!

bri

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PART 2. 

When life has got you drowning in a ditchful of decisions that could not matter less to someone who just want to get through the day without having to be medicated to at least appear 'Normal', freedom of choice becomes something that seems amazingly Taxing for a responsibility so seemingly Trivial. Gone are the days our ancestors fought for Rights to be replaced by a generation shackled by them. Guess i got swept up in a wave of choices that could not be less 'real' to me that my mind did what it does when caught in a hailstorm, shut down. No, not shut down but more like go into 'sleep mode'. Where what is 'Me' just takes a backseat and that which deals with my immediate issue takes the wheel. Found myself actively seeking to be thrown into situations or liasons that could either take whats left of my conciousness deeper into its camatose or promising situations i could simply Fit myself into. Forget tailor made for me, i was all about alterations. Versatility seems easy when 'Me' is amorpheous, no? -Pending-

 

Was sitting at a nice sushi place in Holland Village for dinner not so long ago, next to a very young couple. She was overdressed with make-up ineptly applied but demure, he was awkwardly tall but decent looking and brought a single rose for her. Kept sneaking a peek at them coz i found it so sweet as they were most probably celebrating a 'monthly' anniversary. You know, the ones most girls had in high school with the beau of the moments where u will make it a point to go out/celebrate every month on the day you got together, just rejoicing lifes simple milestones

Told my companion i was secretly envious that i was older now and don't have that youthful enthusiasm for love anymore for neither do my partners. He was raised in Portugal and said they did not do that there so i tried to reminisce to give him an overview of it's purpose. Then he commented that those kids are probably my age! I laughed then stopped when i realised they probably were. Damn  Hard to remember most days i recently turned 19 in Dec when you're calling all the shots in your life. Guess it's something dat comes after you stop taking $ from your parents at 17, work, move in and out as u please, travel and date people you find in your mentality range. For me, that means someone mature Not old, yet they are generally older than me. Feel 24 most days. People too assume i am from looks and demeanor and treat me that way too so i guess its easy to forget.

Eventhough i know i missed out a lot of my childhood from growing up too fast never realised that i'd be missing out on this too. This sweetness of young love. I'm a little spiteful now knowing college kids my age are probably still doing this while i'm making plans for choosing furniture of redecorating a house to move into. Like i'm right there and yet it's something unobtainable to me. Men who work don't have time for such folly, or is it just mine who doesn't? Still, i don't even seem to hope for it at this point. Bartering Romance with Rationality has it's Cons and i can only hope my calculations of the Pros outweight it. With that, i will have to keep on looking cute couples with a silent sigh for a phase i left behind a little too fast and remember too little of.